Can I just...

Can I just lie in defeat, give up, and be miserable for a few days?

But I can't let this mess up with my chances for the other parts of my life, especially when I just received confirmation that I am still wanted somewhere, and that there is someone out there willing to pay good money for my work.

The question is will I try again? Should I try again?

And perhaps more realistically, will they let me try again?

Time keeps going by and I keep getting older with nothing achieved.

So effing in between

A close friend of mine once said she could never crush on, let alone marry, a KA because they are "so effing in-between."

I feel ya.

But I think I can also feel what the KA feels.

And it's true, they are so fucking in-between.

And sometimes it pains both sides. 

I asked a KA attorney out for lunch (finally! should have done that a lot earlier. anyways, happened to meet him in the elevator on the way to the office yesterday morning, otherwise i would have ended up never talking to him!) to ask him for career advice,

and yes, he's a partner at a well-known and successful (albeit small) firm, and he makes good money by handling cases worth LOTS and LOTS of money (shipping companies as clients rock!), and he's been listed on the International Who's Who for his work and all,

but... he's the only KA in the office, in a firm of about 15 attorneys (and about as much nonlegal/paralegal personnel), the only one whose mother tongue isn't Korean, the only one who didn't grow up in Korea.

I wonder what he likes about working here, living here. I mean, he must be doing it because it's better in SOME way than staying in the US.

Well, during lunch it looked like it was a possible (and somewhat available) career path, and he seemed to be quite satisfied with his life.

But it really struck me during the company dinner ("회식"), especially at 2차 (which the founding partner so wisely and generously decided not to join)

that he could be, 

really, REALLY lonely.

There we were, a group of about 10 lawyers and 2 lawyers-to-be, drinking and joking and laughing the night away,

and we were sitting on opposite ends of a long table,

and he kept looking at me with a look that looked, to me, like he wanted to say, 

"Please, please come here and talk to me..."

Sure everyone had had a few drinks (some had many) by then, but I had none,

and it looked,... almost,... erotic, the way he was looking at me.

Yes, yes, it might just be me. I might be projecting my desires on something that has no factual basis and I might be the one who WANTED him to look at me that way.

(Rumor has it that the people at the firm next door voted on "who's the hottest attorney at [my firm]?" and the KA attorney ranked 1st place. And Atty. Hwang, who is a man in his fifties but resembles 김태희, took 2nd place. ..... the things these people do.... no wonder 찌라시s always start in 증권가.. I'm sure the 법률 바닥 is the second destination)

Anyhow, so that was 2차. And most people left after that, but some people wanted to stick around for 3차, and at that point I asked him, "Are you heading back or are you joining us?" 

and he said, "This is the GREAT time." 

So I took that to mean, 'the party's only starting', and that he would go to 3차 with us. 

And all of us were just sort of standing there on the street, trying to figure out where to go next, 

and then the next minute, I turned around to look for him, and he was gone!!!

WTH?????

And yes, shortly after writing something like this I will go to his office and say goodbye, thank you, 'twas nice meeting you, keep in touch and all those niceties.. The nerve of me. Haha. 

croquis: D-2

1. wow, over 10,000 views! (Although half of that is probably me checking whether my posts have actually been published with the formatting that I intended.)

2. Why am I getting so nervous about asking for an informational interview? I think I would be about as nervous asking someone out for a date.

3. When the heck am I going to pack? and make sure my bags don't go over the weight limit..
and why does this company not allow people to choose seats as soon as they buy tickets?!??? Even Delta allows that, regardless of the class of the ticket.. (and make you pay more to get seats with more leg room)
I hope I can get an aisle seat, preferably in the center column. J always recommends sitting next to the emergency exits, but I don't care so much for that. Also hope there are no wailing babies on the flight.

4. So much to do, so little time. That's why I'll be working until Friday afternoon, when I'm taking a Saturday morning flight. 왜그랬을까도대체.
Fu*k translations... want to look at more 사건기록s...

5. Do some soul-searching, she says. Like, I haven't been doing that?
The choice is between: take the narrow road that not many people take, where not many people can offer advice, and get paid less, but is the place where you want to end up OR take the wide path that many people take, where many experienced people can offer guidance, and get paid a lot more, but is not where you want to end up?
The two paths are equally difficult, challenging, and tiresome.
Which one should I choose...

6. Should I be embarrassed that I think my choice would have been different if I was married or at least engaged to a rich guy?
How I wish I could just be a student forever without having to make any career choices.

7. And even when I do make those hard choices, who says the employers I want will hire me?

8. I seriously. want to 때려쳐 all the stuff I'm doing at church. It's just way too much pressure, and I'm such an idiot when it comes to time management. And dealing with people. No, I can deal with people, it's that I have to take care of people... I just, don't have time for that. I need more time to take care of myself. And having to sacrifice my entire weekend. That's kind of a big thing.

9. Must. Go to Wednesday night service at In2.

last week of internship, almost lunch hour

I am so, so, so sleepy.............

I need to ask about Friday and whether and how I can get lunch money

And study up on firms I will be interviewing with
and on interview tips and skills

I just don't... want to be doing what I should be doing right now... translating.. please, no more!

Just been invited to company dinner on Thursday evening (by a person I've never seen before in the office-_-).. wonder what that'll be like?
Note: do not wear skirt on Thursday, otherwise will need to kneel for hours. No need to add to discomfort (when just being present at the dinner itself will be discomfort enough..)

Should I talk to the only US atty here?
He looks kind of grumpy (and another atty, whom I like, has said he is, kind of... too.)

waiting for my vacay in nyc.. not the ideal place to have a vacation, but it's what my schedule will allow.
I will so watch a movie. and call my friend who will have had her baby by then.

Need to call movers, and landlord, and electric service, and friends who I think will let me crash at their place for a couple of days during the process of cleaning out the apartment and moving in.. Possibly H unni could help me unpack stuff? Or at least drive me to supermarket/mall if and when I need to go shopping.

why is my supervisor not going out for lunch... get out get out get outttt or ask me to lunch with you
either way come on, so I can go out for lunch

been lurking about in WNY/Upstate firms' websites. there are some ppl with amazing 스펙 but chose to work at what some ppl call "shitlaw" (as opposed to "biglaw")... WHY? Why would you choose to work in Buffalo/Rochester/Syracuse when you can Manhattan and get better pay (up to three times as much)? Those people were on journals, did moot court, graduated with honors, etc. and they're working in Buffalo? Why the heck? And if THOSE people with amazing resumes are working at shitlaw, where the hell am I going to get a job?????

okay I'm just going to get out at noon. Six more minutes.

aw snap.

the guy who uses the cubicle next to me was gone for most of day and now he's back.
Man, I was having a good day bc neither my supervisor nor he was in the office today...
Snap.

I'd appreciate some peace and quiet (and not being worried about getting caught when I stray off online.. like this...)

You know what, actually I think I can hear my supervisor talking to that guy on the phone right now, omg...
Never a dull moment, huh.

Yeap. I'm sure it's him. sounds just like him, the way he talks.

Anyways, I was hoping to work on some new cases/projects, but from the way things look right now, I might be stuck doing translations until Thursday... Oh please no. I should have asked for different kinds of work early on, instead of showing them I'm a real gunner when it comes to translation... dayum. Think of all the money I could have earned by now if I became a professional translator/interpreter, all the money I would have saved by not going to law school, by not going abroad...

(deep sigh)


(Back to UNPAID translation work....... fml.......)

The more I learn...

When I was in high school I thought I knew a lot of things, but was curious to know more.

When I was in college, I could feel that I was learning a lot of things I didn't know before, so I must know quite a lot.

When I went to grad school, I realized that there were a lot of things I didn't know, and so much that I would have to study up on.

When I went to law school, I realized that I didn't know much.

Now that I am working, I often think: Is there anything that I do know? 내가 아는 건 도대체 뭐지??

friday afternoon

omg soooooo sleepyyyyyyyyy
I think the guy next to me has been sleeping for most of the day..
kinda knew it would be like this
the day after the filing deadline for a big case... with lots and lots of parties
(the firm represented 28 claim

I don't want to sit here and just waste my time, so I've been trying to brief a case I've been reading since yesterday
but I can't really focus on anything

it's like I'm caught in limbo

erk. two more hours before I can go home. why won't time pass more quickly...

and my mind starts to wander.. thinking about stuff like:

Why the hell did the equitation instructor give me a U? I paid $400 for that class AND spent so much money on cabs trying to make it to lessons and all the make-up lessons. I am 150% sure that one of the instructors forgot to record one of my make-up lessons (strongly suspect the day an instructor sent her TA cantering on her horse to me to ask for my name-_- Why couldn't she have just written my name down before or after the lesson? somebody needs to take better care of these administrative matters. And why -- this is what makes me more angry -- did she not respond to my email s when I asked her to check whether all of my make-up sessions had been recorded? Sigh. I should have called her before leaving for Korea, dammit.)

So... Having second thoughts about taking equitation again next semester. I do want to have better control of the horse (and perhaps more importantly, myself) when trotting and cantering (completely lost control at my first canter, feet slipped out of stirrups and held onto the pommel for dear life, Willy would have kept running round and round if there weren't other horses standing in the other direction), and I'm pretty sure I'll never get the chance to learn/practice if not now... should I take this sem off and take it again in the spring?

Should I just sign up for the gym? (costs $90+ for one semester, if I remember correctly) Probably a good idea to sign up whether or not  I take a PE course.. (Theoretically should be going to the gym every day!)

Should I take fencing? (I've been wanting to do this for a long time.. But what if lessons are at Bartel or Teagle? friggin far away from my house and from the law school, and I don't know of any buses that go near those buildings.. I'd definitely take it if it was at Noyes! I will definitely take a look at the course schedule though. I guess I can learn if I come to Korea in the winter, there's a new 펜싱학원 that just opened near my house, how fab.)

erk my eyes are so dry.. should buy eye drops... but no money... darn...

wonder if it's worth it to buy more expensive lenses that claim to stay moist for 12 hours (and other bullshit..)?

Okay. I'm not sleepy anymore.

God please give me a job... I'll take anything that pays enough to cover rent, food, and phone bill...
Should keep looking into small firms, but so far all of the job postings I've come across seem only to be looking for ppl with experience (usually 5-7 years or 3-5 years, sometimes 1-3 years, but definitely not hiring newbies fresh out of school)... please please help me find something, anything...

done with translations (for now...)

Now that I'm finally done with translations (or, as far as I can see/ foresee),

I can't really do anything except 딴짓.

I've been trying to read the cases my supervisor recommended, but just can't seem to focus.

The end is almost always anticlimactic, like this. About time I realized.

I really really want to go watch a movie (like, right NOW) but there are no good movies out lately. (Nor anyone who I'd want to go watch it with... har. I mean, would it matter so much what movie we watch, as long as I like being with that person, than just being together would be the point, not so much the movie.)

The office is pretty quiet now. Not a hectic kind of quiet, but a tired and lazy kind of quiet. So I guess that means all or most of the attorneys are done with the project that they (we, including myself who did most of the damned translations...)

And 바로! at this moment! someone's phone rings, he happens to be not in his seat, so the phone goes off ringing for about a minute, and the ringtone is "Nella Fantasia".... haha suits the atmosphere of the moment perfectly.

Aww. Then the moment is gone.

Anyways I'm glad I've kept this blog. I don't really visit it to read my older posts (which I tend to do with my Cyworld diaries..), but only to rant or keep a record of my fleeting thoughts and emotions. But it's a great hideout because it kind of looks like I'm writing an email when I'm actually writing up worthless shit (like this) to pass the time when other online hideouts/places of procrastination  like FB and Cyworld are not available (or rather, too 눈치보여 to go into those sites).

I just want to have... a 'real' vacation... watching all the tv dramas and movies I want, eating whatever I want whenever I want to, staying in when I want, going anywhere I want when I want to, sleeping when I want, working out if and when I feel like it, etc.

Can't believe I was sick the day we went to the beach. I was so sick I had to stay in the car while my family went out to get coffee and play in the sand. I was too sick to stay awake and realize that it really sucked. What a major bummer. It was my only chance to see the ocean this summer (maybe even this year)...

I have a few things I want to buy (I still don't have a black bag), and I need to pay the bills for the subway rides and bus rides, and my daily cuppa, and lunch, and money I spend when meeting friends (which is not that often)... But as of now I have about 10,000 won in all of my bank accounts. Oh damn. It sucks not to be able to make money........ Bah. I would have loved to work at Milky Way :p Or maybe I should have taken up a tutoring job or translation job (which would have driven me crazy, but at least I would be able to pay my own bills). Anyhow the situation really, really sucks.

Should I call that guy? I think he would be up for a movie... But what if he's not? He might be too busy enjoying his life (the only plan he explicitly said he had until he goes into military service)...

Maybe I should call Dr. L when I go to NYC. Call me when you feel like it's too much, she said. Call me if you get too lonely. ........ But of course she would charge me $200/45min if I do call and make an appointment.

I dunno. Sometimes spending time alone feels like it's the greatest thing in the world. But pretty soon I feel like, I wish I had someone to share this precious time with,... But when I actually spend time with someone else, I find myself never quite as happy as I feel when I'm by myself...

No more free translation!!!!!!!

다시는 공짜 번역 안해줄거야!!!!!
내가 진짜.. 일주일 내내 번역만 주구장창 하고 있는데
무급인턴이 법정근무시간 앞뒤로 거의 두시간씩 추가로 일을 해 가면서
똑같은 서류를 수십장씩 (어쩌면 백장 넘었을지도) 해야되는건가 정말?
내가 이짓을 돈을 받고  했으면벌써 두달치 생활비는 나오고도 남았을텐데...

사실은 오늘 너와의 만남을 정리하고 싶어

휴우.. 너 또 꿈에 나왔어.....

너랑 나랑 

쇼부를 보자

우리는 도대체 무슨 사이인지

다시 만날 날을 기다리기만 해야 하는건지

너와 잘 될지도 모른다는 희망 따위는 

한점도 남김없이 깨끗하게 씻어 버리고

다른 사람 마음껏 좋아하는 게 맞는 건지

괜찮은 사람이 나타났는데 

너 때문에 마음 찜찜해서 그 사람 마음놓고 pursue 하지 못하거나

pursue하면서 마음 켕기는 건, 좀 아니잖아!

/ 만약에 그가 목장지기가 된다면, 나에게는 차라리 잘된 것 아닌가?!

근데 뭐 사실.. 그에게 기대기엔 그는 너무 바쁘고.. 당장 take care of 해야 할 상처도 크고..

우린 너무 다르고... 

(아 ㅅㅂ 말실수했어 걔 차가 미니쿠퍼인데 "미니쿠퍼는 돈 많은 애들이 갖고 노는 비싼 장난감"이라는 말을 해버렸... 으앍악악악)

내가 그에게 무슨 위안이 될 수 있을까, 그를 따라가기에도 가랑이 찢어지게 생겼는데..

아 모르겠다 모르겠어.

그리고 무엇보다 지금 난.. I want someone to take care of me and be there when I 징징거려 and 내가 기대고 의지할 수 있는 사람을 원해... 

그가 나에게 그런 사람이 되어줄 수 있을까? 

누가 나에게 그런 사람이 되어주고 싶을까???

/ 아무튼 만약에 여름을 한국에서 보내게 된다면 S와 쇼부를 보던지 여름내내 씨름을 하던지 뭐 그럴 수도 있을 것 같은데

만약에 미국에 있게 된다면??? 그리고 여름동안에도 남자를 만나지 못한다면??? (미국에 있는다면 그럴 가능성 아주 큼. 한국에 가더라도 그럴 가능성이 작지 않긴 하다만-_-)

내나이 스물여덟, 만으로 스물여섯인데 

20대가 가기 전에 '연애가 뭔가요 먹는건가요' 수준은 벗어나야 할 거 아니야-_-

처음 사귄 사람하고 결혼하기에는 (as romantic as that sounds) 왠지 자존심 상하는 무언가가 있....

/ 에효 일단은 살을 빼는 게 우선...

(그럴 일은 절대로 없겠지만) 누가 나 좋다고 달려들어도 

내가 나 자신이 매력적이라고 생각하지 않기 때문에... 

살을 빼고 화장도 좀 하고 옷도 선머슴같이 입지 말고...

내 자신에 대해 좀 자신감을 up 시켜야 누구를 만나던지 말던지 할 수 있을 것 같다.

(허나 오늘도 야식은 계속된다ㅠㅠㅠㅠ)

The Legal Aid Society’s 2012 Associates’ Campaign Raised Funds From 1,690 Associates Representing 36 NYC Law Firms

The Legal Aid Society’s 2012 Associates’ Campaign Raised Funds From 1,690 Associates Representing 36 NYC Law Firms

FRIDAY, JULY 27, 2012

2012 Associates' Campaign Celebration

The Legal Aid Society hosted its annual Summer Soiree in celebration of the 2012 Associates’ Campaign and to thank the associates and corporate professionals who made the campaign a success.
Fin Fogg, the President and Steve Banks, the Attorney-in-Chief, were on hand to meet and greet the associates, corporate professionals, interns and externs who assist The Legal Aid Society in serving low-income New Yorkers. Awards were presented in recognition of outstanding fundraising leadership in the categories of top revenue, outstanding participation and exceptional generosity with a new “per capita donation” metric.
The event was held at Tavern29 on 29th & Park Avenue in Manhattan and was attended by associates, banking and corporate young professionals who support the Society through the Associates’ Campaign, an annual fundraising initiative run by Associates at the top firms in New York City, and the New Leadership Program, a new initiative that will officially kick-off this fall and will provide networking and professional development opportunities as well as social events for young professionals who support Legal Aid.
Under the leadership of associates at leading New York law firms, The Legal Aid Society’s Associates’ Campaign raises awareness and vital funds for the Society’s Civil Practice, which depends on private funding to provide legal assistance to the most vulnerable New Yorkers, helping them obtain and maintain the basic necessities of life. Individual gifts raised through this campaign account for nearly one-third of all individual contributions raised for our Civil Practice each year.
The Legal Aid Society ran an ad July 23 in The New York Law Journal thanking the associates and their firms for a successful 2012 Associates' Campaign.

• View the full ad (PDF)

The 2012 Associates’ Campaign officially kicked-off March 26th and ran through June 20th, 2012. Thanks to the hard work of our solicitors and New Leadership Board Members, we were able to increase revenue and participation making it a most successful campaign.
This year’s campaign raised funds from 1,690 associates and other firm members representing 36 New York City firms.

Special thanks to the following firms for their participation in the 2012 Associates’ Campaign:

Aronson Mayefsky & Sloan, LLP	Kramer Levin Naftalis & Frankel LLP
Baker & Hostetler LLP	Linklaters LLP
Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft LLP	Mayer Brown LLP
Cahill Gordon & Reindel LLP	Milbank, Tweed, Hadley & McCloy LLP
Chadbourne & Parke LLP	Morrison & Foerster LLP
Cleary Gottlieb Steen & Hamilton LLP	Patterson Belknap Webb & Tyler LLP
Cooley LLP	Proskauer Rose LLP
Covington & Burling LLP	Schulte Roth & Zabel LLP
Cravath, Swaine & Moore LLP	Shearman & Sterling LLP
Davis Polk & Wardwell LLP	Simpson Thacher & Bartlett LLP
Debevoise & Plimpton LLP	Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom LLP
Fitzpatrick, Cella, Harper & Scinto	SNR Denton
Fried, Frank, Harris, Shriver & Jacobson LLP	Sullivan & Cromwell LLP
Hughes Hubbard & Reed LLP	Sutherland Asbill & Brennan LLP
Jones Day	Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz
Kaye Scholer LLP	Weil, Gotshal & Manges LLP
Kirkland & Ellis LLP	Willkie Farr & Gallagher LLP
Kornstein Veisz Wexler & Pollard LLP	Wilmer, Cutler, Pickering, Hale & Dorr LLP

Special thanks to the board members of the New Leadership Program, a new initiative connecting young professionals in the legal and corporate communities.

NLP Board Members
Stella Amar
Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz
Sean CochranBank of America Merrill Lynch
Svetlana Eisenberg
Debevoise & Plimpton LLP
Seth Fier
Proskauer Rose LLP
Melissa Francis
Mayer Brown LLP
Ellen Frye
Simpson Thacher & Bartlett LLP
Warren Haskel
Kirkland & Ellis LLP
Emily Huters
Morrison & Foerster LLP
Charlie JacobFreshfields Bruckhaus Deringer US LLP
Josh KalishCleary Gottlieb Steen & Hamilton LLP
Jaime Lavin
Wilmer Cutler Pickering Hale and Dorr
Owen LeeBank of America Merrill Lynch
Alex Maffeo
Inter-Atlantic Group
Hugh McKee
Mayer Brown LLP
David McTaggart
Kornstein Veisz Wexler & Pollard LLP
Aaron Miner
Bickel & Brewer
Alberto Rodriguez
Baker & Hostetler LLP
Alyssa Rower
Aronson Mayefsky & Sloan LLP
Lara Samet
Davis Polk & Wardwell LLP
Reed Smith
Cooley LLP
Mallory Tosch
Shearman & Sterling LLP
Conray TsengWeil Gotshal & Manges LLP
Julie TurnerSkadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom LLP
Abigail Williams
Simpson Thacher & Bartlett LLP
Kimberly ZafranChadbourne & Parke
Adam Zucker
Youngwoo & Associates, LLC

http://www.legal-aid.org/en/mediaandpublicinformation/inthenews/2012associatescampaigncelebration.aspx

stupid day at work

Both yesterday and today have been the worst two days at this internship.
Most people didn't come in for work to make a long weekend starting Wednesday (4th of July), including all of my supervisors. I'm almost done working with L so I was going to ask T for a new assignment, but turns out that T didn't come to work yesterday, nor today. So I am stuck in the office doing nothing. Okay it's not entirely their fault. I do have one thing that I need to do that I've been putting off all day yesterday and today. Better work on it before I leave. And then off to a pedicure I shall go. Hahaha

Detective?

Most of what I've been doing lately is to call people up and ask for information regarding my client, and then looking through a huge pile of documents to trace out what might help my client's case.

If this is what a detective does, I think I might be good at it.

I wish being a lawyer only entailed just the detective bit and not the writing and arguing bit.
(Well, a little bit of arguing I do enjoy, but I don't think that's what I would like to be paid to do for the rest of my life..)

what do 'normal' people do when they're lonely?

What the heck to 'normal' people do when they're lonely?

I went to church, I volunteered at an info table at PrideFest, and I watched the Pride March at around 28th Street, I came home, I had dinner delivered, watched HIMYM while eating dinner, and now I am contemplating whether I should go out for a stroll.

I did a lot of things today.
And in the midst of it all, I was alone. I was so, completely, alone.
If it weren't for Nicole and Pooja at the booth I would not have spoken to anyone at all today.
(Pooja who by the way I was very fortunate to meet, bc she did an MA in human rights before law school and worked at the UN before coming to LAS. She said that she felt the need to do grassroots work because the results of her own work are more visible there, compared to policy work where you never get to see the impact/results of your work. Food for thought. Hmm.)
Some days are like that. I say good morning to the receptionist as I sign in for work. By the time I sign out, no one's at reception, so I walk out and come home, have dinner, watch tv, and sleep. And it's the same the next day.

Actually, Lina, my friend from a gazillion years ago called me a couple of hours ago and I didn't realize it bc my phone was on vibration mode and it was in my bag... If I was a normal person, I would have called her back, right?

Uh oh look what I found.

I was walking home from Dr. L's office and discovered three interesting places along the way.

1. The Great Lawn in Central Park: a great combination of green and NYC skyline. Can't believe I kept going through the traverse and missed the nice view!

2. Lady M Cake Boutique: this was the second time I saw this store, but the first time I passed by was after midnight so the store was closed. This is definitely going to be one of my favorite stores in the 'hood. Sounds like sugary DANGER...
http://www.ladym.com/
Just look at that beautiful store. And their cakes. Oh my.

My other favorite stores (which all involve food, because that's the only kind of shopping I thoroughly enjoy) include:
Eli's (humongous grocery store just two blocks from home. they have a ridiculously gigantic selection of cheeses and soups, and a great bakery which has macarons! not macaroons but French Macarons! and their fruits and vegetables are fresh too),
Agata (another large grocery store run by an Italian family. Great for stuff like wine, olive oil, vinegars)
The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf: just because we don't have it upstate :(
David's Tea: what more is there to say? They have like 200 kinds of tea just waiting to be tried and bought! I should prepare my 'stash' before heading back upstate.
Chipotle: affordable, satisfactory mexican food! I'm soooo glad they have it upstate as well. What a relief.
Eat Thai: my go-to takeout place on weekends.

And also stumbled upon this fun blog:
http://normaknowsnyc.com/may-2012?cats=1&cat=223

Gotta get that Maison du Chocolat (78th & Madison! super close to home!) and Georgetown Cupcakes. And Momofuku Milk Bar. And Magnolia Bakery. aaaaaah so many places to visit, only so many calories I should take in per day, and so little money...

Oh man I miss Pera and Migo and La Bonne Tarte.
These things are so much more available and affordable in Seoul!
Miguk is so chonsureowo...

3. Punch Fitness Center: i actually considered signing up, but looked at the rates and gave up. Boom fitness or home fitness it is for me. Why do fitness clubs insist on outrageous initiation fees and yearly fees? It really makes no sense for someone like me who is staying in the City only for a short period of time. But I really can't just keep getting fat.. I really really need to work out. And cut out all the sugary drinks and heaps of dessert.


(Big sigh)

I am in one of the most interesting cities IN THE WORLD and I have no one to enjoy it with. :(
I could really use a datemate.
Am I getting too old for this lifestyle of a hanryang?
Even if my friends were in nyc they don't really want to hang out with me because they are busy studying/working/ saving money.
Is that what I should be doing too?

Well, museums/ galleries I can do on my own. And here's the list:
MoMA
Whitney (again)
Neue Gallery (must get that extra dose of Klimt!)
Frick Collection
The Met (Prada exhibit, and a few others..)
The Met -- Cloisters (everyone keeps telling me it's definitely worthwhile to go there but I don't really know what's there. I'm guessing it's everything that the Met "stashed" away).

There are a few more (like the Museum of Natural History) but that's the priority list.

That's already six museums/galleries, and just one museum/gallery per weekend will keep me busy for the rest of the summer. Haha. So don't stop me.
And I think I would like to go to Bowery Poetry Club.
I'd like to go to a comedy club as well, but I don't think I would appreciate it as much.
Or maybe The Moth (storyslam). - Thanks to Jju unni who found the website.
And maybe Dizzy's, just one more time towards the end of my stay here.

외로워

외로워

아주, 아주 많이.......

I don't think I've ever been so lonely before in my entire life.

친구가 아무도, 단 한명도 없었던 적은 내 평생에...

N고 입학하고 반 바뀌고 나서 첫 2주 가량

이후로 처음인 것 같다.


내일 다른 인턴들이랑 밥 같이 먹자고 할까...
내일점심메뉴는: 파프리카 방울토마토 버섯양배추크레이프 + 딸기 망고?
내일아침메뉴는: 자몽쥬스 초코아몬드페이스트리 or 블루베리스콘 바닐라맛두유 + 딸기 망고 블루베리 라즈베리? OR 버섯양배추크레이프 + 옥수수스프?

먹는거, 영화, 공연, maybe 여행,
are the only things I enjoy thinking about.
아 그리고 드라마 보기.
나는 공유랑 이민정 둘다 좋아하니까, "빅" 열심히 보고 있는데
촬영장소가 죄다 정자역ㅠㅠ 진짜 집에가고싶다ㅠㅠㅠㅠ that drama really does not help with homesicknessㅠㅠㅠㅠ

어제와 오늘 장보는데만 70불넘게 썼다... 꼭 다 먹어치워야 해...

그리고 오늘은 "relatively" 일찍 자자.

상담이 제발 잘 되어서 다음학기를 위한 준비를 충분히 할 수 있으면 좋겠다.
그리고 제발 보험으로 커버 되면 좋겠다ㅠㅠ
약간 두렵기도 하다. 도대체 어디까지 캐내게 될지..
나의 목표는 일단 마음 추스리고 목표의식 확실히 하기, 그리고 적극적으로 도움 요청하는 법 배우기. (Maybe that will help me deal with 이성 better too-_-)

긴축재정!!! 허리띠 졸라매고 꼭 도시락 싸서 다니기!
내일이나 금/토요일에 잊지말고 한인타운 가서 반찬사오기!
드라마보는 시간 한시간 줄이고 운동 한시간 하기! 산책부터 줄넘기부터. 그리고 sit-ups!

And, most importantly,

ASKING FOR HELP.

"It's almost like a neurotic scream." Ha ha.

Sorry

Sorry I made you spend your time and money on me.
I do not deserve it.
Sorry I keep apologizing for the same thing every day.

Last exam. I am so doomed. I won't be happy at all when this exam is over.

I MUST talk to a counselor before this week is out.

And I should also get a SSN before this week is out, too.

A Real New Yorker?

After watching about a dozen episodes of How I Met Your Mother...


1. Wow people really love New York.


2. I really want to be "a real New Yorker".


3. Could I ever be "a real New Yorker"? 
It's so big and wild and dirty. (In all possible dimensions)


4. Could I ever come to love a city that I (only) work in? That I didn't grow up in or went to school in? Could I ever come to love New York like (or, as much as) I love Seoul?


5. And I'm not even there yet! -_-;;;


6. And who knows? I might end up in DC or Boston, even.


7. But I think it might be possible if I build real friendships there. I guess it's the same anywhere.. We probably fall in love with a city not because of grandios itself but because of the memories we build there.


8. (Slightly unrelated to HIMYM) I am slowly coming to terms with the idea that what I want is approval (and perhaps even envy?), not 'the intellectual challenge' or 'to see the world out there' or 'to see how far I can go'. Because if those were the things I really wanted, I would be studying, not watching tv all day.

외롭다

하.

정말 정말 외롭다.

가끔씩 이렇게 갑자기 등골이 오싹할 정도로,
아니면 가슴이 너무 시리거나
속이 너무너무너무 허하고 가슴과 허리 중간쯤에 주먹이 들어갈 정도 크기의 구멍이 뻥 뚫려서 그사이로 찬바람이 슁슁 부는 것 같거나
그냥 깜깜하고 추운 방에, (밖에는 봄비가 부슬부슬 내리고 꽃잎이 떨어져 내리는데 내 방은 한여름에도 냉동고처럼 춥다는-_- 이래서 꼭 남쪽으로 창이 난 방을 선택해야 되는건가부다)
텅텅 빈 집에
텅텅 빈 동네에
나 혼자
있다는 것을
갑자기 realize할 때가 있다.

the sensation differs from time to time but it's usually one of those.

Paris & New York

http://parisvsnyc.blogspot.com/2010/11/la-romantique.html

나는 뉴욕에, 너는 빠리에!
이거 너무 로맨틱한거 아니야?ㅎㅎㅎ

하지만 아마 내년 겨울까지는 못만날껄ㅠㅠ
내가 돈이 없어서ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
너가 뉴욕으로 오지 않는 이상;;ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
어쩌면 난 내년에 DC로 갈지도 모르고;

(앗 생각해보니 나 이제 곧 어퍼이스트사이드 주민?ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
 아 그렇게 생각하니 기분 너무 좋다 >_<)