20251030

요구하지도 원하지도 않은 호의

심지어 분명하게 거절한 후에도 일방적으로 계속 베푸는 호의는 

호의가 아니라 폭력이고 강압 입니다.

수십번, 수백번, 아니 앞으로 죽을때까지 매일

거절하고 거절하고 거절해도

나의 의사는 들어먹히지 않을 것이고

심지어

전혀 이해되지 않는 당신의 생각과 마음에 대해

이해하고 수용하기를 강요당하며

"이해할수 있을것 같아요" 라고 답하면

핀잔을 들으며

매일매일 죽을 때까지 살아야 한다는 생각이

나를 깊은 절망에 빠지게 한다. 

20251009

Are you a very resilient person?

Is your inner light very strong?

I want to be more like you, he said. 

20250930

"방금 널 안으면서 결심같은걸 했어. 너를 내 운명으로 받아들인다, 그런 결심."

A couple of days ago I had asked him, penny for your thoughts? And I couldn't properly hear the first part of his answer because he had mumbled it, but the latter part I heard clearly: "... 운명같은 걸 믿는지 모르겠지만."

20250923

"Yesterday I thought, 'You're perfect.'

The way your hair framed your face... And I thought, 'She's perfect.'"

And then you said you're spoiling me, 

But I thought, 아끼지 말고 많이 말해줘. 생각날 때마다, 느낄 때 마다.

심각하다 아주 ㅎㅎㅎ 중증이야... 

우리는 언제까지 이렇게 서로 좋아할 수 있을까. 오래 오래 아주 오래도록 좋아하고 싶다.

20250922

It became clear to me when he said

"I hope you can see that you're really, really beautiful and that you're really, really wonderful."

And

"Of course you're afraid. It's terrifying. But it's like the rain... It will pass. And you can watch it go by like you're watching the rain. And we can weather it together. We will weather it together."

How you comforted me by telling me that I have the power to watch it pass, instead of just telling me that it will pass. And that you will stay with me through it all.

그래, 이런 사람이랑 결혼해야지. 

20250914

I want. To experience the full extent of your love - - towards me, and toward the universe 

And I want. To experience the full extent of my love for you. 

20250912

Dug up a bunch of emails from back in 2007-08.

And I realized that you always came to me, sought me, when you were treading unfamiliar waters and utterly alone

... Does this mean I'm your "insurance"?

Or worse yet, am I your 감정 쓰레기통?!?!?

If I'm always there when you seek me, does it diminish my value?