So uh.... I haven't been here for a WHILE.
thought about writing stuff here, but resorted to old-fashioned pen and paper quite diligently for... almost a year, wow.
So a few things have happened in the meanwhile, and many things have NOT happened, and remain much the same.
병따개 is still 병따개. And he katalked me out of the blue yesterday, and guess what the reason was? Weirdo works at his firm as a trainee or something?!???? Birds of a feather flock together??????
Anyhow I want to have nothing to do with Weirdo so that is just 관심 밖 but
was surprised that I wasn't as offended by 병따개 contacting me, was actually quite 반가워 ?!???
근데 그얘기엔 또 그럴만 한 background 가 있는게...
Been seeing E quite steadily and frequently (?) this summer. And this is just... classic 21c dating shitte. (See: the meme "dating in the 21st century")
I'm not quite sure what I want from this anymore. Maybe I'm satisfied with the way things are right now because I kind of don't want to go exclusive right now, not with him, no, that's not what I mean, what I mean is - not with him in his current state. I get it. Perhaps more than anyone else. That's why I envy that he gets to take a break (lucky sucker...). I've been there. And I fucking sucked it up and "grin and bear"-ed it, like the non-champ that I am, and look where I've ended up now. Anyhow. Yes, I get that you're not your best and your confidence level has been at rock bottom and I can see that that's the reason why you've been acting as loserly as you have, but what if that's just you? What if you're going to be like that all the time?
And of course there are a gazillion other reasons for not making a move.
Is he 'good' for me, considering my current situation? Can he give me what I want/need right now?
And vice versa - Can I give him what he needs/wants right now?
그는 내가 감당이 될까? 뭐 궁극적으로 그런 생각.
So dating (?) E really made me understand how 병따개 may have felt. There were definitely numerous moments when I went 'Ohhhhhhhh so THIS is how he must have felt when I did/said ABC!' Or is it just me. And of course, in hindsight,.... No I knew even back then that 병따개 is like, the guy with the best 스펙 I ever came across but among the most 정신이 썩은 persons I've met as well. Guess no one is perfect. Yuck.
J you m--- f--ing charmer. Even E says your charm is obvious.
You were literally NEXT DOOR to me yesterday and you did not hit me up. urrrgh this guy is such a tease and I know there are about a gazillion other girls swooning over him and thinking the same thing.
And of course SP. Why is he being so nice to me? My impulse is to think that one has some ulterior motive when things like this happen, but in this case, it seems that his only motive is obvious and he has made it clear from the beginning: "networking" or "the possibility of networking" and he is very civil and NOT over-the-top about it. 아무튼 오늘 세미나에 초대해줘서 진짜 너무 고마웠고 업계에 정말 흔치 않은 2년차 여자!!!!! 도 만났다고 하니 정말 너무 아쉽네. 이사람이랑 업자모임 꼭 성사시켜야겠어. "저는네트워킹을아주싫어합니다" 라는데 하하하하하 그러기엔 너무 적극적이고 너무 잘하잖아 이 거짓말쟁이야. 아무튼. As you said, 네트워킹을 잘하려면 제일 편한 방법이 네트워킹 잘하는 친구에게 묻어가는 겁니다. So Imma hang on tight to you mister. 그래 뭐 이렇게 생각하면 정말 고마워 순대. 넌 진짜 좋은애야! (순대랑 이어지지 않은것도 인생살면서 참 아쉬운 일 중에 하나다.ㅎㅎ 순대야말로 쩌는 스펙에 교회까지 다니니.... 쩝 but I never ever had feelings for him and it's too late nowㅎㅎ)
Completely stuck on Blur songs since last Friday. Their old stuff is of course, just fucking classic Brit rock and I'm a complete sucker for that (can't get "For Tomorrow" and "Tender" out of my head!!! even at work). And today I'm listning to their newer stuff from the album "The Magic Whip" (아하하하 E said I was a good Whip back in the day... 정말 별 희한한 건 다 기억하면서 왜.....)
Oh dear God why have they gone so melancholy? "My Terra Cotta Heart" 들으니까 존나 시원하게 쳐 울어제끼고 싶다. 그러면 기분이 좀 시원해질 것 같다. 요새 운동도 1도 안해서 몸이 정말 너무 배긴다 ㅠㅠ 게다가 매일매일 야근...... --+ 내일은 반드시 칼퇴할거야 슈발 (which of course probably means I have to 끝장야근 on Friday?????)
And yeah, since my last blog post:
- I made a friend at work, and she quit.
- I became a 정규직 and got a modest raise. And I still get paid less than a paralegal at K&C.
- D is super pissed at me (well, she says that she's mad at herself for not being able to 'play it cool' with me -- OH DEAR GOD is she really crushing on me? HOLY SMOKES that had better not be it.)
- 흠 또 뭐가 있더라?
E와는..... 비슷한점이 참 많은데 (so fucking Freudian. Can't deny he's probably exactly what my dad looked/acted like when he was our age) 지금 할 수 있는 거라고는 대리만족????? 나 대신 그림도 보고 책도읽고 북클럽도 나가고 명상도 하고 여행도 가고... Can I be satisfied even if he never invites me to any of that? Can I be satisfied with just the thought that he is willing to share his experiences with me (i.e. eager to verbally relay his experiences to me)?
And at the same time, I should really..... get that bar exam and admission thing over and done with, ASAP. SP 가 자꾸 나더러 변호사님이라고 부르는데 너무 켕긴다.
thought about writing stuff here, but resorted to old-fashioned pen and paper quite diligently for... almost a year, wow.
So a few things have happened in the meanwhile, and many things have NOT happened, and remain much the same.
병따개 is still 병따개. And he katalked me out of the blue yesterday, and guess what the reason was? Weirdo works at his firm as a trainee or something?!???? Birds of a feather flock together??????
Anyhow I want to have nothing to do with Weirdo so that is just 관심 밖 but
was surprised that I wasn't as offended by 병따개 contacting me, was actually quite 반가워 ?!???
근데 그얘기엔 또 그럴만 한 background 가 있는게...
Been seeing E quite steadily and frequently (?) this summer. And this is just... classic 21c dating shitte. (See: the meme "dating in the 21st century")
I'm not quite sure what I want from this anymore. Maybe I'm satisfied with the way things are right now because I kind of don't want to go exclusive right now, not with him, no, that's not what I mean, what I mean is - not with him in his current state. I get it. Perhaps more than anyone else. That's why I envy that he gets to take a break (lucky sucker...). I've been there. And I fucking sucked it up and "grin and bear"-ed it, like the non-champ that I am, and look where I've ended up now. Anyhow. Yes, I get that you're not your best and your confidence level has been at rock bottom and I can see that that's the reason why you've been acting as loserly as you have, but what if that's just you? What if you're going to be like that all the time?
And of course there are a gazillion other reasons for not making a move.
Is he 'good' for me, considering my current situation? Can he give me what I want/need right now?
And vice versa - Can I give him what he needs/wants right now?
그는 내가 감당이 될까? 뭐 궁극적으로 그런 생각.
So dating (?) E really made me understand how 병따개 may have felt. There were definitely numerous moments when I went 'Ohhhhhhhh so THIS is how he must have felt when I did/said ABC!' Or is it just me. And of course, in hindsight,.... No I knew even back then that 병따개 is like, the guy with the best 스펙 I ever came across but among the most 정신이 썩은 persons I've met as well. Guess no one is perfect. Yuck.
J you m--- f--ing charmer. Even E says your charm is obvious.
You were literally NEXT DOOR to me yesterday and you did not hit me up. urrrgh this guy is such a tease and I know there are about a gazillion other girls swooning over him and thinking the same thing.
And of course SP. Why is he being so nice to me? My impulse is to think that one has some ulterior motive when things like this happen, but in this case, it seems that his only motive is obvious and he has made it clear from the beginning: "networking" or "the possibility of networking" and he is very civil and NOT over-the-top about it. 아무튼 오늘 세미나에 초대해줘서 진짜 너무 고마웠고 업계에 정말 흔치 않은 2년차 여자!!!!! 도 만났다고 하니 정말 너무 아쉽네. 이사람이랑 업자모임 꼭 성사시켜야겠어. "저는네트워킹을아주싫어합니다" 라는데 하하하하하 그러기엔 너무 적극적이고 너무 잘하잖아 이 거짓말쟁이야. 아무튼. As you said, 네트워킹을 잘하려면 제일 편한 방법이 네트워킹 잘하는 친구에게 묻어가는 겁니다. So Imma hang on tight to you mister. 그래 뭐 이렇게 생각하면 정말 고마워 순대. 넌 진짜 좋은애야! (순대랑 이어지지 않은것도 인생살면서 참 아쉬운 일 중에 하나다.ㅎㅎ 순대야말로 쩌는 스펙에 교회까지 다니니.... 쩝 but I never ever had feelings for him and it's too late nowㅎㅎ)
Completely stuck on Blur songs since last Friday. Their old stuff is of course, just fucking classic Brit rock and I'm a complete sucker for that (can't get "For Tomorrow" and "Tender" out of my head!!! even at work). And today I'm listning to their newer stuff from the album "The Magic Whip" (아하하하 E said I was a good Whip back in the day... 정말 별 희한한 건 다 기억하면서 왜.....)
Oh dear God why have they gone so melancholy? "My Terra Cotta Heart" 들으니까 존나 시원하게 쳐 울어제끼고 싶다. 그러면 기분이 좀 시원해질 것 같다. 요새 운동도 1도 안해서 몸이 정말 너무 배긴다 ㅠㅠ 게다가 매일매일 야근...... --+ 내일은 반드시 칼퇴할거야 슈발 (which of course probably means I have to 끝장야근 on Friday?????)
And yeah, since my last blog post:
- I made a friend at work, and she quit.
- I became a 정규직 and got a modest raise. And I still get paid less than a paralegal at K&C.
- D is super pissed at me (well, she says that she's mad at herself for not being able to 'play it cool' with me -- OH DEAR GOD is she really crushing on me? HOLY SMOKES that had better not be it.)
- 흠 또 뭐가 있더라?
E와는..... 비슷한점이 참 많은데 (so fucking Freudian. Can't deny he's probably exactly what my dad looked/acted like when he was our age) 지금 할 수 있는 거라고는 대리만족????? 나 대신 그림도 보고 책도읽고 북클럽도 나가고 명상도 하고 여행도 가고... Can I be satisfied even if he never invites me to any of that? Can I be satisfied with just the thought that he is willing to share his experiences with me (i.e. eager to verbally relay his experiences to me)?
And at the same time, I should really..... get that bar exam and admission thing over and done with, ASAP. SP 가 자꾸 나더러 변호사님이라고 부르는데 너무 켕긴다.
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