last day of internship!

can't believe how fast the last six months and a half have passed away.

thanks, dear blog, you've been a real confidante and my last lifeline from boredom.

first thing I noticed when I logged into the intranet today: MRL replied to my email!!!!!!!

I'd already given up waiting for him to answer, but there it was, on my last day of work!

he said, "Do give me a holler if you pass by Paris, AND I MEAN IT."

So glad, I think it will be enough to make my day.

He is one of the coolest people I have ever met, one of my role models (did I ever have one?), a dream of a husband (if only he was... 20 years younger? LOL), the first person who made me think an Asian man that speaks perfect French is oh-so-hot, the first and perhaps the only person who made me think that "PR for government" could possibly be an attractive career (although I still feel the urge to draw a thick, ridiculously conspicuous line between propaganda and 'information services').

Wow, now I actually have someone to call and visit when I go to Paris! This is so exciting!

/ I really want to see J before he leaves. He will be in Korea only for a few days after he comes back from China, and he probably wouldn't have enough time to pack and meet everyone he needs to (and I wouldn't be one of them, or the last one on his list at best). I feel like I could beg: please, lunch? coffee? just fifteen minutes? But I don't want to be the pathetic loser who hasn't made it to law school and has nothing better to do than to cling on to this guy I barely know, this guy who will be leaving to a whole new world and a whole new life. But I also know that he won't call me if I don't, and then we will be less than an acquaintance for the rest of our lives.

Phew.......

/ Jesus said not to worry about what eat or wear.

Yet those have been the two things that have preoccupied my mind in the last six months and a half. Today is not so different. What to have for lunch is about as difficult as the math question on the KSAT that I couldn't even get my hands on. I'm responsible for choosing where to go for lunch, as it's my last day, and this is pure torture. We're going to get out of the office in ten minutes and I have no idea where we should be headed.

movin' out!

tomorrow will be the last day of my internship.
I'm slowly getting ready to move out - cleaning out the stuff I saved on my computer, etc.
I should also take some of the stuff i have in paper today, if I'm not going to carry a huge load of stuff tomorrow.
I should really be getting more work done before I quit but I just don't feel so up to it.. (my excuse? reading the same rhetoric for six months is boring!)
But I should. Really. Get to it.

/
the Beethoven t-shirt and my new sandals were delivered yesterday. Yay!
(wore the sandals to work today)

Splitting & Borderline Personality Disorder

(from Wikipedia)

Splitting can be explained as thinking purely in extremes, e.g. good versus bad, powerful versus defenseless and so on. Splitting can be seen as a developmental stage and as a defense mechanism.
Splitting was first described by Pierre Janet. He initially coined the term splitting in his book L'Automatisme psychologique. Sigmund Freud also worked to explain this idea, and it was later more clearly defined by his daughter Anna Freud.




If a person fails to accomplish this developmental task, borderline pathology can develop. The borderline personality is not able to integrate the good and bad images of both self and others. Kernberg also states that people who suffer from borderline personality disorder have a ‘bad representation’ which dominates the ‘good representation’. This makes them experience love and sexuality in perverse and violent qualities which they cannot integrate with the tender, intimate side of relationships. These people can suffer from intense fusion anxieties in intimate relationships, because the boundaries between self and other are not firm. A tender moment between self and other could mean the disappearance of the self into the other. This triggers intense anxiety. To overcome the anxiety, the other is made into a very bad person; this can be done, because the other is made responsible for this anxiety. However, if the other is viewed as a bad person, the self must be bad as well. Viewing the self as all bad cannot be endured, so the switch is made to the other side: the self is good, which means the other must be good too. If the other is all good and the self is all good, where does the self begin and end? Intense anxiety is the result and so the cycle repeats itself.

People who are diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder also use splitting as a central defense mechanism. They do this to preserve their self-esteem. They do this by seeing the self as purely good and the others as purely bad. The use of splitting also implies the use of other defense mechanisms, namely devaluation, idealization and denial.

Splitting creates instability in relationships, because one person can be viewed as either all good or all bad at different times, depending on whether he or she gratifies needs or frustrates them. This, and similar oscillations in the experience of the self, lead to chaotic and unstable relationship patterns, identity diffusion and mood swings.

Consequently, the therapeutic process can be greatly impeded by these oscillations, because the therapist too can become victim of splitting. To overcome the negative effects on treatment outcome, constant interpretations by the therapist are needed.

excuses

my relationships fall into one of the following categories... or they follow those steps as a process

attraction: sameness connection understanding interest respect

friction: discomfort disappointment loss of respect

severance: disconnect contempt

my shrink (I love you mom, but only when you give me cookies) says that's exactly why I don't have a wide range of relationships - I cut them off the moment I find an imperfection.

(this is probably also the reason why I cannot ever meet a guy - because no human can be 'perfect', I give up on the slightest possiblility of forming a relationship when I see even the smallest speck of imperfection.)

i don't tell my 'friends' when there's something i don't like about them, or if they disappointed me in any way, but simply and quietly cut them off.

i'm actually quite spooky, in that respect.

but it's not as if I deem all of my current friends (the few that I have) to be perfectly perfect. and I'm content (sometimes even happy) with maintaining relationships with them.

so i try to justify myself.

isnt' that what life is all about?

isn't it what all people do, to save their sanity and for their convenience? (apparently not..)

+ after the 'session' with my 'shrink', the conclusion that I came to is that I pretend to be worried about others just to cover up the fact that I'm actually dead worried about myself.

how the hell have I been keeping this up without going insane?

(okay, maybe that's why i'm *slightly* insane)

what an arrogant, cold-blooded, and PATHETIC little prick I am...

충무아트홀 서머 클래식 페스티벌

소울과 함께하는 충무아트홀 서머클래식 페스티벌 디토 콘체르토 (8/27 목요일)

R석 60,000원 S석 40,000원 A석 20,000원

쟈니 리, 패트릭 지, 성기선(지휘), 디토 오케스트라

PROGRAM

Beethoven_Egmont Overture Op.84
Haydn_Cello Concerto No.1 in C Major
-Intermission-
Bruch_Violin Concerto No.1 in g minor Op.26

* 위 프로그램은 연주자의 사정에 의해 변경될 수 있습니다.

소울과 함께하는 충무아트홀 서머클래식 페스티벌 콘트라베이시스트 다쑨 장 리사이틀 (8/28 금요일)

R석 50,000원 S석 35,000원 A석 20,000원

다쑨 창,쟈니 리

PROGRAM

A.Piazzolla_Libertango
Massenet_Meditation from Thais
Beethoven_Cello Sonata No.3 in A Major Op.69
-Intermission-
Giovanni Bottesini_Grand Duo Concertante for Violin and Bass (with Johnny Lee)
Bach_Ave Maria
Gershwin_I got Rhythm

Sarasate_Zigeunerweisen
※ 연주자의 사정에 따라 프로그램이 변경될 수 있습니다.

소울과 함께하는 충무아트홀 서머클래식 페스티벌 비올리스트 리처드 용재오닐 리사이틀 (8/29 토요일)

R석 60,000원 S석 40,000원 A석 20,000원

PROGRAM

Corelli_Violin Sonata No.12 'La Folia'
Vitali_Chaconne in g minor
Telemann_Viola Concerto in G Major
※ 위 프로그램은 연주자의 사정에 따라 변경될 수 있습니다.

소울과 함께하는 충무아트홀 서머클래식 페스티벌 앙상블 디토 콘서트 (8/30 일요일)

R석 70,000원 S석 50,000원 A석 30,000원

리처드 용재 오닐, 지용, 쟈니 리, 패트릭 지, 다쑨 창

PROGRAM

모차르트_현악3중주를 위한 디베르티멘토 K.563
Mozart_Divertimento for String Trio K.563
:: 리처드 용재 오닐(비올라), 쟈니 리(바이올린), 패트릭 지(첼로)

슈베르트_피아노 5중주 ‘송어’
Schubert_Piano Quintet in A Major Op.114 "The Trout" 외

※ 위 프로그램은 연주자의 사정에 따라 변경될 수 있습니다

incognito/ boredom

whoo this is nice!

shoulda known about this earlier!

/

I don't think boredom is something that slowly creeps up on you.

I think you suddenly realize that you're bored, at a certain point.

It's kind of like those 'islands' of silece during a conversation.

You're talking, talking, talking.... and then suddenly you realize that both people aren't saying anything.

/aren't there any qualified people who can take my job?

(and this applies both to my internship and my part-time job)

or am I doing things that are too easy for me?

why do people fail to do the simplest things?

I'm not saying that I'm a perfect employee, but I mean, people who are even more qualified and look way more capable than I am just can't do some of the things I do. Are they just being lazy, because they think they deserve better (assholes!) ? If that's not the case, then WHY?

/

Where in the world is SHK?

Gone with the wind, perhaps.

/ oh yeah

I had this dream, about two days ago... and I think I will be allergic to ssireum players/ instructors from now on. Eww.

Californian summer day

thanks to you, I only have 4 and a half hours of work today. ehehehehehe
(and I also got paid today! or yesterday!)
거너 비 어 밷 걸~ 거너 비 어 밷밷 거얼~ 느흐흐흐흐

the weather's kinda like when I was in Brea/Cerrito in summer 2002 (?)
: it's really hot, the skies are clear and the sun is scorching but it's not so humid (well, it was outright DRY in Cerrito, but this is as dry as it can get in Korea during summer I guess).

can't believe my internship is *almost* over.
but at the same time, can't believe I have YET ANOTHER week of work!
come to think of it, today is the last day that I will see MRL as my boss, coz he will be on vacation during next week.

ohohoh I almost forgot why I logged in in the first place.

www.eldis.org

I am LOVING this website and its newsfeed.
They provide summaries of the latest papers regarding development.!!
It's like a friggin Cliffs Notes for development studies!!! Is that lovely or what?

I really think it might be a better idea to study in the UK instead of the US if one is really interested in studying development. The policy structure in the UK is just so more organized and they have more experience (hundreds of years of colonization! the Empire!). Whereas in the US it was more like an arm they used during the Cold War and now it's in pretty bad shape cause the system is so fragmented.

I've been doing virtually no work this week (my supervisor is on vacation this week) and NOW I feel kinda guilty. KINDA.
I should finish updating at least two more countries' ODA policy profiles before I quit. (sigh)
And I should really finish writing "the list of things I did for the six months of my intership" today. Or at least by early next week.

Lovely day! and the weekend is just around the corner!

+ since the trip to Eastern Europe has been canceled, I'm pondering whether I should go travelling somewhere nearby (Tokyo? Taiwan? Shanghai? --geez isn't there a place not affected by H1N1 around me?) or buy myself a netbook or a new notebook PC. But I'm not really keen on buying a notebook coz I will be needing another one in two years (for law school, hopefully..).

+ I should really look for a hasuk/studio if I'm not going to commute for the next two years.

just realized I didn't come here for a while.

+ waiting for MRL to walk out of the office (he's caught up talking to MSJ now)

so I don't have to say bye before I leave the office....

just remembered I did something stupid today: relayed a call to

- wait, why is he going back to his seat? get out~~~ ok, he's leaving now. no, he went back to hs seat! gotta hang on for about another minute, perhaps. -

MRL while he was having a one-on-one meeting, without telling the person who called that he's unavailable at the moment... I think I just lost my head that split second.

oh geez he's making someone copy a document... and talking to MRJ...

and it's 6pm now! but he's going. I know.

Spent most of the morning posting job notices on half a dozen internet boards. Got two email inquiries already. (Haven't answered them yet -- gotta have something to do tomorrow, ryt?)

I'm not taking this shit anymore

aaaaaaaak

now it is evident that the little prick is using the 'pretend to be an idiot' tactic on me!

Or is she really an idiot?

How the hell has she been keeping up with classes with THAT level of English?

고등학교 대학교를 다 영어권국가에서 다녔다는 애가 영어를 그.렇.게. 못할 수가 있나???

Anyways, this will be the end of it.

I am not going to take any more shit from that prick.

No more illegitimate dumping over of labor!

escape

oh geez I don't want to work. My mind is already wandering around on beaches and faraway places with the likes of Prague, Istanbul, Santorini,...

I should just be really clear/blunt about when I plan to stop working.

This might take a bit of negotiations, because I am giving quite a short notice to my supervisor. They're going to need time to find a new intern, and I might need to stay until s/he starts woking. I asked a couple of hoobaes if they were interested in taking my job, or if they knew of anyone who might be interested, but neither of them answered....yet.

on a lighter note, I was lucky coz while talking with MsJ, the issue of me quitting 'accidentally' popped up and my boss just happend to pass by and overhear our conversation, which saved me from going through the awkward and possibly painful process of bringing up the topic during a one-on-one conversation.

And you know what, boss actually looked broken! shattered! in pain! at the news that I will be quitting soon.

(was it really because of what I said or was it because of something that happened before he came into the room? not sure. But I do know he suddenly looked completely shaken after he heard me.)

I think he really likes me! 우후훗!

I'm not sure why or what about me that he likes, but I'm certain that I am in his list of 'favored people'. I really don't know where that came from coz he barely talks to me and there were only two times that I did something directly at his request. (So why/how? It's not like he's going to miss my long hair...) I should definitely keep in contact with him and get him to write a LOR when I apply for law school. Maybe. If possible.

-----------------------------------------------------

I'm not sure which I hate the most: having absolutely nothing to do/ having something to do with no clear deadline/ having lots of things to do with a tight deadline.

Well, I've learned to make peace with situations when I have nothing to do (or, to be accurate, when I don't have any work AND have nothing that I WANT to do.)... I read NYT like crazy, reading every article that looks the least bit important or interesting, and reading every single article in the op-ed page. (I do this almost every day that if I do this for six more months, I might have no trouble blending in when I go to New York.)

So here I am today, pretending to work but actually putting off work (indefinitely!) and wondering when 6pm will finally arrive, like I've been doing every single day for the past six and a half months.

Would lawyering amidst an economic crisis be a similar experience?

Even just the suggestion of that idea sends shudders down my spine.

No, I'm sure it wouldn't be. The unni that quit this internship and went to work in the NGO of her dreams said she finally felt like she knew what she was doing. And it's not like the work she does is significantly different from what she used to do here (translating, editing, research, and some more translating).

---------------------------------------------------------

This SOB isn't calling me/ texting me/ sending me a message via FB.

Don't effing say things that you don't mean.

For instance: 연락할께요. 꼭 봐요.

Yeah right. You barely remember that I exist.

----------------------------------------------------------

The time has come to get my nails done.

Why must it take so much time and effort to grow fingernails?

---------------------------------------------------------

Looking through the emails that I wrote about two years ago - there was a time when I was actually 'sweet' to him!

I really wasn't intending to be, and I thought I was being coarse and straight-talking like I had always been. But if a stranger saw those emails, s/he might have thought I was his gf! Okay, except for the part where I ask if he's had any progress with a girl 10 years younger than himself.. and when he answers...

But I do remember. We used to call each other at nights after longs days of work. We thought of each other as among the coolest people we had ever met. That wore off pretty quickly from my side, when I heard about what a horrible bf he had been to his first gf, AND his second gf. I don't think that ever wore off on his part, though. Coz he still says stuff like, well, I would rather not mention that on public space (he might be embarassed).

But yeah, there were those periods when I gave him dating advice, fashion advice (we were so dead serious it's not even funny), life advice, religious(?!) advice, etc.

And he even jokingly said "What are you? My gf? Stop playing pretend!"

Why the heck was I doing that? I never ever saw any romantinc possibilities with that guy (after I'd known him for about... three months?).

--------------------------------------------------

arrrrrgh I dont' want to work! (as you can see)

funny

1) the funniest thing is

that he walks on THIS side of the room to go to his seat, which is on THE OTHER side of the room

WHEN THE BOSS ISN'T IN THE ROOM.

(Which to me looks like an obvious attempt to seize power away from the boss. Kind of like Scar prowling about and ordering the lionesses around when Mufasa is dead and Simba wasn't around.)

CAN YOU PLEASE STICK TO YOUR CORNER coz I feel like I'm being friggin spied by you?

(And of course he does that when the boss IS in the room, the power-thirsty little twat!)

2) I gotta tell these people that I'm quitting soon. The deadline for the "two weeks' notice" set out in my contract is Friday, and it would be courteous to tell them before that.... Like TOMORROW.

But how should I bring this up? It'll be abrupt no matter how I put it.

And what will I tell my father? (He wants me to work until the end of my contract)

And I should seriously ask around to get a new intern, which won't be easy coz most ppl will be abroad (summer vacation!) and the only ppl I know that would be interested are not graduating anytime soon...

And what will I do in August? I can't hang around the house, that's one thing for sure... I just want to

- work out and lose weight and

- do something crazy to my hair for once in a lifetime and

- go to the beach and amusement parks and

- temple stay and

- watch movies and plays and musicals with my friends and

- maybe take guitar lessons and

- tag along on dad's whimsical trip to Eastern Europe (where the heck did that come from?!?!) ...

I just want to relax and not think about anything complicated (like my future, or LSAT, for example.)

To be honest I wish I could move into the dorm as soon as I finish work so I can stay away from mom's nagging (and occasional smacking, when I don't get up by 10am).

But I already told mom I'd start studying for LSAT as soon as I quit work and I know I should really start before school starts, because then I would be swept away with schoolwork and get used to not making time to study for LSAT.

1) I want to/think I should take up studying Chinese again, but I don't think I can do it with grad school and LSAT already on my daily to-do list. (sigh)

There are a few more things I would like to do, now that I'll be living in SC again (okay that in itself is an assumption, coz I haven't had a pow-wow with my parents about who's going to pay the rent yet): guitar lessons and vocal training, along with Chinese classes.

I would definitely do that if I could go back to my undergrad days, but grad school is so different... T^T

Hey, maybe I could take Chinese classes in the 언어교육원 at school! (or would I just get more bored coz there would be no guys in the class? =_=)

I just feel so out of breath and just the thought of having to study LSAT again for the next year and a half makes me feel like I'm being rolled flat between two rollers. Egh.

stay

Until now

I was the girl who stayed and waited.

I was the girl who stayed in one place.

But now

I will be the one going to places

I will be the one leaving

But

I don't want to keep anyone waiting

but the funny thing is, you keep hoping

that someone will be there when you go back

I know it's selfish

but I can't help

wishing that there's someone that misses me as I miss him/her

I don't want to be the wife/gf of a soldier anymore

I want to be THE SOLDIER, THE SAILOR

I want to leave this place and see new things and meet new people

but I'm a little bit afraid -- will I be able to do that without my old friends by my side, supporting me?

Maybe this is what they call the quarterlife crisis.

You want to make changes in your life but in order to do that you have to face your own cowardice. And it's not so easy.

* If I wrote down my stream of consciousness (during work hours) every day these days, I think I would be writing a book every day. And by the end of my internship I would have a whole series of books.

falling asleep

oh God, I'm falling asleep at work........

I can never get enough sleep during weekends -- I go to bed a bit later than on weekdays, and get up later, but that just doesn't seem to compensate.. All I ever want to do during weekends is sleep, but then mom throws a fit if I get up any later than 10am, and then there are things to be done (yeah like that job at H which is driving me slightly nuts coz their server seems to break down every time I log in) and friends to meet. Going to church is another burdent that I would rather not think about, unless I have nothing better to do.

okay, writing that just woke me up a little bit.

I was going to post a link to an article so I could revisit it later, but of course I forgot it because I was dozing off.

/The school across the street called me about an hour ago, to confirm that I wasn't going to register. The lady kept asking me are you going to SNU? or Korea U? I kept saying no. The lady finally asked "are you going abroad, then?" and I had to say no to that, too.

I think I'm doing somethng that nobody will understand. (Yet AGAIN!)

I'd better be fully armed to give myself an explanation/ justification in case I have doubts... which I already do, .... I just hope this choice will lead me to better choices in the future, and not away from them.

I will be so shattered if the school I chose doesn't give me a scholarship bigger than the one that Y offered.

But I also know that I sucked in the interview and E only gives scholarships to two people in the whole class (as opposed Y: to three people for each major) so the chances of that happening will be very, very low. It's probably more accurate to say that I KNOW I WON'T BE GETTING A SCHOLARSHIP FROM E.

(So why the HELL am I choosing E?!?!?! Everyone is asking me.)

Phew......................................................................... All I can hope for is the magic call telling me "you won yourself a full scholarship!" But I know that's not going to happen. And that I shouldn't be looking forward to it. But I just can't give up that last bit of hope.......

twat

KJ- You're an annoying little twat, d'you know that?

I know you're not a complete IDIOT that can't friggin translate.

I know you're pushing your load off to me only because you don't want to be bothered with translation.

If this ever happens again, I'll just ignore you. For the rest of your annoying, stupid little life.

damn..

In order to adapt to corporate(???) situations, Choose one of the following:

1) 철저히 뻔뻔해진다. Never admit your mistakes but laugh it over.

Keep smiling no matter whatever shit (or shitty person) you are looking at.

Then other people will just think you are either an idiot or a lunatic, and not chastise you for anything. Nobody messes with a crazy idiot who has a few screws loose.

(Okay, sometimes you might get a response like this: "Do you think this is funny? We're talking business!" but if you keep smiling even then, eventually even the worst biatch will just tell you to get your ass out of his/her sight.)

2) Be forever apologetic. Always bowing and saying you're sorry and that you made a mistake and that you will pay extra attention not to make the same mistake again and that you feel sorry for the inconvenience that you have caused and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it up.

Then people will think you're an incompetent schmuck whom they can't count on to do even very simple tasks.

3) Make it look like it's the other person's fault.

(For example, I could say to MrJ right now: "Why didn't you pick up the phone when you were there in your seat? Coz you were busy reading newspapers, making those crunching noises?" I did what I was told to do: answer the phone before it rings three times. The annoying xxx -- can't find the accurate cussword to describe him -- just sat there and didn't even realize I answered a call instead of him and didn't even ask who called. That's not MY effing problem. Does it not make sense that I thought you weren't in the office when you don't answer your phone call even after it rang three times? Geez!)

Then you turn into the office bitch whom everyone hates. Then you have no choice but to maintain this stressful lifestyle for the rest of your stay in that office.

These days I'm trying to work on Option number one, as it looks like the best way to protect my ego and sanity. But because I have usually chosen option number two for most of my life, it's hard to draw a new picture of myself.

It's like trying to fit into a borrowed suit that was tailor-made for someone else.

But I don't know what else I can do.

I know for sure that I need to toughen up, that I can't keep letting other people push me around, and that being apologeting hasn't helped me look like an honest and hardworking person (which was the effect that I desired/ expected).

I just can't wait to get out of this place.

I think I've had more than enough 'experience' working here and there's no value in staying for another few months.

Deoksugung expedition

원래 KJ랑 둘이서 점심을 먹으러 나가고 있었는데

갑자기 M 쓱 지나감

공익이랑 밥먹으러 가려니 생각했는데

"are you guys going out for lunch? can I join?" 이래서 엉겁결에 같이 낙지비빔밥 먹고

오늘따라 일찍 나가서 밥을 다 먹고 나니까 12:11 밖에 안됐;;;

한국음식은 왜이렇게 맛있냐고, 낙지비빔밥 소개시켜 줘서 고맙다고 몇 번이나 말하더라.ㅋ

나갈때부터 M이 목에 카메라 매고 "밥 빨리 먹고 덕수궁 가자!"라고 해서

KJ는 싫다고 했는데 내가 시간도 많이 남았는데 갔다오자고ㅋㅋ

그래서 덕수궁 가서 실컷 구경하고 사진도 찍고 (FB에 빨리 올리거라 ㅎㅎㅎ)

어린애들만 지나가면 "Asian babies! So cute!" 막 이러고 ㅋㅋㅋ

내가 변태같다고 했더니 누나가 넷이나 있어서 영향받아서 그렇다고 변명;ㅋㅋ

덕수궁 돌담길로 걸어서 1:17쯤 사무실 도착.ㅎㅎ

서울은 historical and modern at the same time 한게 재미있다고.ㅋ

그런 걸 appreciate 할 줄 아는 게 이쁘더라. ㅋㅋ

나도 서울 (특히 광화문-정동 이 동네의) 그런 점이 좋아. :)

오늘 엄청 습한데 마구마구 걸었더니 땀이 비오듯이 줄줄;;;

M 왈: "See? I'm good influence. I do presentations, and I make the atmosphere more relaxed."

그래. 그건 인정할께.ㅋㅋ

같이 가 줘서 고맙다 + 거봐, 가길 잘했지? + I liked it! 이런 말을 몇 번이나 하던지.ㅎㅎ

The 보람 of being a tour guide :)

/ 간간이 R이 생각났음.. 대만 가서 뭐였더라, 음식을 같이 먹고서 "Mmmmm delicious! Zhen hao chi!"를 연발했더니. "Thank you. I'm glad you like our food."라고 말하던 R. 참 많이 보고 싶다!

NYT Urban Eye!

Lovin' it!!!

Makes me want to fly away to NYC, right now!

remember me?

How will I be remembered?

Will I be remembered, at all?

friends from long, long ago (The FES/RP gang: the Israeli, the Brazilian, the Ecuadorian, the Japanese, the Bolivian, the Russian, the Kenyan, the Chinese, the Irish-Italian, the French-American, etc.) -- how do they remember me?

the people I call my friends now -- how do they see me and how will they remember me? Will they remember me? By what? How will they characterize and categorize me?

the people I wanted to be friends with but never got around to, or the people whom I brushed past very briefly -- What did they see in me? Did they intentionally choose not to get to know me or did they just not have enough time?

the people I will meet -- what dimension of me will they get to know? what dimension of myself will I need to hone and 'sell'?

In the depth of all this musing there are two fundamental questions: about the duration or depth of human relationships and the unending question looking for my SELF... Who am I? What kind of a person am I? Is there a disparity between how I see myself and how others see me? How big is the gap and where/why does it happen?

Wow this post makes me look like a paranoid, neurotic, narcissist.

Maybe that's how people will remember me. (Hope not.......)

Books to buy/read

yet another addition to the already long list.

공정무역, 희망무역 (김정희, 동연)

"Dewey" 브렛 위터 & 비키 마이런

"Waltz with Bashir" 데이비드 폴론스키, 아리 폴먼

Bill Bryson (미국, 유럽, 영국 - Notes from a Small Island)

세계의 교과서 한국을 말하다 (이길상, 푸른숲)

A Smarter, More Secure America: Report of the CSIS Commission on Smart Power

지식 e Seasons 1-4

The Return of Depression Economics and the Crisis of 2008 (PAUL KRUGMAN!!!)

(Movie) Thirteen Days

내 감정 사용법 (프랑수아 를로르, 배영란 역. 위즈덤하우스)

Womenomics (디디 마이어스, 비즈니스맵)

Java Trekker (딘 사이컨, 최성애 역. 황소걸음)

한국의 대 개도국 외교: 과거, 현재, 미래 (정은숙, 한울)

북한 군부는 왜 쿠데타를 하지 않나 (이대근, 한울)

희망을 여행하라 -공정여행 가이드북 (이매진피스, 이혜영, 임영신. 소나무)

Losing Hearts and Minds? Public Diplomacy and Strategic Influence in the Age of Terror (by Carnes Lord)

(Documentary Film) Rachmaninoff: The Harvest of Sorrow (Tony Palmer, 1998)

ADAM 2009 Motions and Results

Looks like Minjae, Hannah and Shendy did pretty well!

http://muds.whypsloven.net/adam09/

Another Day At Melboure (ADAM) 2009 Topics (by CA Nicole Lynch)

ROUND 1: Health

That we should abolish subsidies of the private healthcare system

That we should cap payouts for medical malpractice suits

That we should restrict the testing of drugs in the third world

ROUND 2: Environment

That we should ban the selling of personal carbon offsets.

That international climate change targets should be based on national consumption and not national production of CO2.

That we should stop investing in ‘clean coal’ technology.

ROUND 3: Women

That Western countries should legalise female circumcision.

That we should ban single sex clubs.

That we should offer automatic asylum in the West for women fleeing Iran.

ROUND 4: Indigenous

That environmental protection should be prioritised ahead of indigenous economic development.

That the Australian government should no longer support indigenous outstations.

That we should have reserved seats in parliament for Indigenous Australians.

ROUND 5: International Relations

That the US should restrict military aid to Israel until there is a halt on all settlement growth.

That the international community should intervene militarily to support the Government of Somalia to defeat the rebels.

That the US should immediately disarm their nuclear arsenal.

QUARTERFINALS: Democracy

That California should abolish public ballot initiatives.

That the US President should have line-item veto power.

That Presidential elections should be entirely publicly financed.

SEMIFINALS: Economics

That we should legalise all strike action taken by unions.

That we should ban leveraged buyouts.

That the profits from oil and gas sales in developing countries should be placed in an internationally administered trust fund.

GRAND FINAL: Development

That developing democracies should ban political parties based on ethnicity.

That developing countries should abolish their militaries in return for debt forgiveness and increased foreign aid.

That post conflict nations should focus on development and not democracy.

Article about Korea's ODA and DAC Accession Review

http://cafe.naver.com/ccejoda/4026

DAC가입과 한국 대외원조정책의 개혁 과제

by 이태주 ODA Watch 대표 (한성대 교수)