damn..

In order to adapt to corporate(???) situations, Choose one of the following:

1) 철저히 뻔뻔해진다. Never admit your mistakes but laugh it over.

Keep smiling no matter whatever shit (or shitty person) you are looking at.

Then other people will just think you are either an idiot or a lunatic, and not chastise you for anything. Nobody messes with a crazy idiot who has a few screws loose.

(Okay, sometimes you might get a response like this: "Do you think this is funny? We're talking business!" but if you keep smiling even then, eventually even the worst biatch will just tell you to get your ass out of his/her sight.)

2) Be forever apologetic. Always bowing and saying you're sorry and that you made a mistake and that you will pay extra attention not to make the same mistake again and that you feel sorry for the inconvenience that you have caused and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it up.

Then people will think you're an incompetent schmuck whom they can't count on to do even very simple tasks.

3) Make it look like it's the other person's fault.

(For example, I could say to MrJ right now: "Why didn't you pick up the phone when you were there in your seat? Coz you were busy reading newspapers, making those crunching noises?" I did what I was told to do: answer the phone before it rings three times. The annoying xxx -- can't find the accurate cussword to describe him -- just sat there and didn't even realize I answered a call instead of him and didn't even ask who called. That's not MY effing problem. Does it not make sense that I thought you weren't in the office when you don't answer your phone call even after it rang three times? Geez!)

Then you turn into the office bitch whom everyone hates. Then you have no choice but to maintain this stressful lifestyle for the rest of your stay in that office.

These days I'm trying to work on Option number one, as it looks like the best way to protect my ego and sanity. But because I have usually chosen option number two for most of my life, it's hard to draw a new picture of myself.

It's like trying to fit into a borrowed suit that was tailor-made for someone else.

But I don't know what else I can do.

I know for sure that I need to toughen up, that I can't keep letting other people push me around, and that being apologeting hasn't helped me look like an honest and hardworking person (which was the effect that I desired/ expected).

I just can't wait to get out of this place.

I think I've had more than enough 'experience' working here and there's no value in staying for another few months.