excuses

my relationships fall into one of the following categories... or they follow those steps as a process

attraction: sameness connection understanding interest respect

friction: discomfort disappointment loss of respect

severance: disconnect contempt

my shrink (I love you mom, but only when you give me cookies) says that's exactly why I don't have a wide range of relationships - I cut them off the moment I find an imperfection.

(this is probably also the reason why I cannot ever meet a guy - because no human can be 'perfect', I give up on the slightest possiblility of forming a relationship when I see even the smallest speck of imperfection.)

i don't tell my 'friends' when there's something i don't like about them, or if they disappointed me in any way, but simply and quietly cut them off.

i'm actually quite spooky, in that respect.

but it's not as if I deem all of my current friends (the few that I have) to be perfectly perfect. and I'm content (sometimes even happy) with maintaining relationships with them.

so i try to justify myself.

isnt' that what life is all about?

isn't it what all people do, to save their sanity and for their convenience? (apparently not..)

+ after the 'session' with my 'shrink', the conclusion that I came to is that I pretend to be worried about others just to cover up the fact that I'm actually dead worried about myself.

how the hell have I been keeping this up without going insane?

(okay, maybe that's why i'm *slightly* insane)

what an arrogant, cold-blooded, and PATHETIC little prick I am...