rainy night

BM unni and JI oppa are getting married today. In less than 12 hours, to be exact.
It's raining cats and dogs tonight, and the thunder has been crazy loud for the past few minutes.
I hope the sky will clear up in time for the wedding...

why do i feel hungry even after that huge dinner?-_-

무엇을 해도 허한 이 느낌을 무얼로 채워야 하나...

코넬 꼭 됐으면 좋겠다... 꼭꼭꼭! ㅠㅠ

아 그리고, temporary이긴 하지만 돈을 벌 일이 생길 것 같다.
그것때문에 LJJ와 만나는 걸 미뤄야 할 지도 모르지만;;;ㅠㅠ
안그래도 미국가서 쓸 돈이 한푼도 없다고 걱정하고 있었는데, 정말 다행이다.ㅠㅠ
7월까지는 열심히 돈 벌어야 할 것 같다... 기회가 생기는대로 부지런히 벌어야지!!

thirst-quenching fellowship

왜이렇게 흥분했나,

in the secret, in the quiet place
in the stillness you are there..
를 되뇌이면서,
집에 오는 버스 안에서 마음을 식혀야 했을 만큼

feverishly 신나고 두근두근한 시간이었다.

아직까지도 왜 자꾸 눈물이 나는지..
나 정말 왠만해서는 이렇게 감정적으로 오르락내리락 하지 않는데..

나자신도 뭐라고 콕 찝어 설명할 수 없는 목마름을
이 fellowship을 통해 채워 주시는 것 같아 항상 감사..
있을 때 잘 하자!!
(미쿡가면 이 모임이, 이 귀한 사귐이, 정말 많이 그리울 것 같다ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 그곳에서도 좋은 community에서 좋은 교제 할 수 있도록 기도해야겠다.)
한사람 한사람 정말 어찌나 귀하고 고마운지!

I can feel the fire being rekindled in me. Slowly but surely..
Your mercy like sweet spring rain :)

생각해 보면 4월 한달 내내
오늘 예배에 대해 생각했고, 기대하며 준비했고,
또 매주 빠지지 않고 오늘을 위해 기도했다.
비록 여러가지 이벤트 계획 때문에 흥분해서 그런 것일 지라도;;
하나님께서 우리에게 성실하시듯이
그분 또한 우리가 성실히 준비할 때 그것을 기뻐 하시나 보다.

다음 달도, 그 다음 달도, 또 다음 학기도,
매번 새롭지만 또한 변치 않는 은혜로 만나 주실 것을 기대해 본다.

Who are your neighbors?
어쩌면 가장 나의 마음을 무겁게 하는 질문, 도전, 중 하나이다.
우리가 기도하고 있었던 친구들을 위해 더욱 마음을 모아 기도해야겠다.
그리고 잠시 잊고 있었던 친구들을 위해서도.. 다시 기도의 불을 지펴야겠다.
정말 오랫동안 나 자신만을 위한 기도만 했던 것 같다.
걱정할 필요 없는 일들로 마음이 콩알만해 져서..

Open my eyes to see the well hidden in the desert.
Open my eyes to see who my neighbors are.

오늘의 새로운 만남에 감사드리고
이제는 정말 가족 같은, 친구들에 감사드리고
바쁜 와중에도 항상 달려와 주는 나니세 선생님,
또 다음 학기부터 바톤을 이어받아야 할 (믿~쓥니다! >_<) 로즈마리 보내주심에 감사.

토요일에 글로벌한 축가 기대하며 또 콩닥콩닥!ㅋㅋㅋ

interesting times

Korean politics is just starting to get really amusing.
The candidate from the Grand National Party (Kim Taeho) won the reelection in Gimhae, the birthplace of former president Roh Moohyun.
But the Democratic Labor Party's candidate won in Jeollanamdo - way to go opposition coalition!
And the most impressive of all - Bundang Eul district voted for Son Hakgyu from Minjudang (Democratic Party) instead of Kang Jaeseop from Grand National Party!
It's kind of funny because Son Hakgyu used to be a member of the GNP when he was governor of Gyeonggi Province.. (what an opportunist! changing party affiliation whenever it raises the chances of him getting elected...-_-+)
I'm really excited about the recent changes in the traditionally uber-conservative Bundang district (where I live and vote). Sad to think that I won't be here for the next parliamentary elections! :( I'll try to find out how I can vote overseas.. although it probably involves visiting the consular office in Chicago or New York or the Embassy in Washington, D.C. Another reason to hope I get into a school in one of those cities.. preferably NY!!!

But I have a bad feeling I'll be waitlisted at Cornell too-_-;;;;;
being waitlisted SUCKS man. I keep getting the feeling that if only I applied earlier, I would have been accepted to at least a couple of the schools I've been waitlisted at. Oh God I really hope I get accepted to Cornell.. I don't want to lose to J twice!
As of now I'm really hoping I can get into U Michigan, but I'm not so sure whether I'll want to go there if I don't get a scholarship. The scholarship offer at UIUC is just so... big! And I probably won't get a merit scholarship at Michigan (or anywhere, since it's already the end of the admissions cycle..T^T)

I really, really wish this uncertainty would end. Soon. ASAP.

Khalid Latif - Status of Mary and Jesus in Islam

Khalid Latif - The Status of Mary and Jesus in Islam
http://vimeo.com/7156141

This lecture was delivered at the University of Alabama and featured Imam Khalid Latif, Executive Director and Chaplain for the Islamic Center at NYU and Chaplain for the NYPD.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really didn't expect to hear a sermon about Jesus and Mary given by an imam on Easter Sunday!
This sermon made me realize how the many assumptions I had made about Islam were wrong and unfounded (i.e. Islam downplays the importance of Jesus in the history of the work of God),
and how, when we get to the core of faith, Islam shares so much with Christianity.


"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
(NIV, John 13:34-35)


What does it matter what they look like, what language they speak, or whether they wear a headscarf,.. if they strive to live by God's word?

We worship the same God, for there is only one true God.

302nd post

1. 초등학교 동창들 중 80%는 미국/캐나다/호주에 나가 있는 것 같다.
중학교 때 공부 더럽게 못하고 담배피우고 패싸움하던 녀석도 어찌어찌 대전에 있는 4년제 대학교에 들어갔고, 지금은 호주에 언어연수 가 있나 보다.
기생오라비같이 생겨서 여자애들과 어울려 놀던, 내 과외선생님의 아들도 SUNY쯤은 가 있고..
미국/캐나다 가서 발레리나, 첼리스트 된 애들도 있고 (첼리스트는 심지어 쥴리어드 석사까지 했고 결혼도 했다. 그것도 2년 전에!)..
진짜 여태껏 유학 안 가고 분당을 꿋꿋이! 지키고 있는 애들은 몇 안되고,
그런 애들은 집이 상대적으로 덜 유복한 애들인거다.
분당에서 어찌어찌 붙어 살 정도는 되지만 애들을 유학 보낼 만큼은 안되는거다.
도대체 뭐가 좋은 건지 모르겠다.
내가 중학교 때 쯤 유학 갔다면 (그때 많이들 갔으니까. 중학교에서 고등학교 넘어갈 때도 유학 많이 갔고)
훨씬 더 신나는 청소년기를 보냈겠지.
어쩌면 소위 '아이비리그' 학교에 갔을 지도 모르지.
그랬더라면 T14 아래의 로스쿨은 지원조차 안했을 지도 모르고, 지금쯤 2년차가 끝나 갈 때가 됐을 지도 모르지.
하지만 이런 건 죄다 쓸데없는 생각 뿐이지.......

2. 요새 글 쓰는 걸 보면 죄다 한국어다. 이번학기동안 리딩을 얼마나 안했으면 영어로 생각하는 능력이 이렇게 심각하게 퇴보했을까.ㅠㅠ

3. 놀고 싶다. 놀기만 했으면 좋겠다. 잘 놀 줄도 모르면서 이런 소리를 해 댄다.

4. 닥치고 에세이나 열심히 쓰자!

301st post

Will I never learn?

When will I ever learn?

difficult

나에게 사소하지만 중요한 것이
남에게는 사소하므로 중요하지 않은 것으로 인식될 수도 있고
vice versa인 경우도 많지만
그런 생각일랑은 집어치우고
내가 보기엔 아무리 쓰잘데기 없는 생각 같아 보여도
'그 사람에게는' 중요하기 때문에
잘 들어줘야 하는 것.

Why do human beings engage in so much bullshit.
Why must we learn this bullshit in order to blend in and survive?

이해와 오해의 잔인한 차이: mis-communication, or lack thereof

Turned out that my anger was unfounded (well, for the most part).
We'd both misunderstood each other.
I shouldn't have assumed that they would understand things the way I thought anybody would.

There has been a major new development, but I'll have to wait (more?!) and see what happens. In the meanwhile, I have to 안면몰수하고 ask for another LOR...
(hmm maybe that should be my agenda of the week. should do it before this month is up)
- and provide an explanation for my widely divergent scores
- and write about my experiences in Nepal (and how that further motivated me to do what I plan??? to do)

But even if I do get in to U Mich., I might end up going to UIUC because of their scholarship offer.

I'm going to be such a 거지 when I go to law school.......ㅠㅠ
정말 돈때문에 내 꿈을 포기하고 싶진 않아.. 그럴 바에야 유학 안가고 한국에서 취직하는 게 낫지;

이래저래 걱정이다 정말.

what makes me angry

가족의 철저한 무관심과
outright 무시.
그리고 그것을 매일매일 견뎌야 하며
그 누구에게도 불평할 수 없다는 것.

Driving me crazy.
Need to get out of here.

How can they not fucking give a fucking damn about my most prized achievements?

omg my ADI lecture video!

kekeke I'm on the WWW teaching debate!
http://adi.learndebate.net/node/7

Thanks Logan for filming this and leaving it on the archives of the internet domain forever and ever amen.
And for giving me a chance to have the honor of being in the family of ADI faculty with debate superstars whom I am still shy/embarassed to strike up a conversation with..

And of course a BIIIIIG THANK YOU!!!!! to Christy (million hearts!) who made this possible. Otherwise i would have made the lecture really boring and fast and hard to follow. Thank you so much for being on your feet and coming up with examples and filling in all the gaping holes and enriching this lecture.

사순절 묵상 - 제4주 일, 월요일

Luke Ch.15
21 The son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."
22 But the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.
23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.
24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."
(...)
28 The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father pleaded with him. (...)
31 "My son," the father said, "you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.
32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."


2 Corinthians Ch.5
18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself thorugh Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation (...)
20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.
21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

why do I scare you?

Every male person that has built some level of trust in his relationship with me has told me this:
"난 네가 무서워!" (You are so scary!)

One guyfriend even told me:
"You have this look that tells me 'Don't even think about messing with me!' "

All I did was to
learn to speak your language
try to understand how you think
ask you what's going on in your mind
(and sometimes refrain from asking, depending on the situation) ..

and this is how you guys repay me?

How the heck else do you get to know a person?
How else are you supposed to make and maintain honest relationships?

Am I getting this whole relationship thing wrong?
Am I not supposed to try to understand?
Am I not supposed to try to be honest?

Then where the heck is the point in human relationships???

해치지 않아요;;;;;;ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Why the heck do you feel threatened by me?
Does my intelligence (however shallow it may be) make you feel small?
Does my wealth (geez, my dad works in a college in a rural town and he's the only breadwinner for my family - we have no savings whatsoever.) threaten you?

Do these things matter so much in our friendship?

Or am I that pretentious?
Am I such a good actress that people who look at me are persuaded by my pretense?

I try my best to look and sound smart and confident,
because the world taught me that if I don't do so, people won't take me seriously.
(And why do I have to keep explaining this?)

What the world didn't tell me is that women and girls are not supposed to be taken seriously, if they wish to build relationships with other people.