Thursday, April 15, 2010
the cutest pianist
Isn't he THE CUTEST pianist you ever saw?
My knees wobble when he smiles (and yes he does that A LOT and VERY OFTEN)ㅠㅠㅠㅠ
왜 얘기 못했을 거 같아?
누구를 좋아했었다, 누구를 만났는데 정말 실망했다... 그런 얘기, 왜 여태껏 너한테 한번도 안했을 거 같아?
내가 너한테 그런 얘기 '못'한다고 정말 한번도 생각해 본 적 없는거야?
물론 for the most part, 할 얘기가 없었지, 굉장히 오랫동안. 그런 내가 부끄러웠고.
그게 첫번째 이유라면 이유고.
둘째로는 항상 너한테 미안한 마음이 있어서였어.
I put you on the spot and then turned away from you. 벌써 옛날 일이지만 그게 얼마나 못된 짓인지는 한참 뒤에서야 깨달았으니까.. 지금까지도 너한테는 그게 참 미안해. 그래서 너한테 함부로 못하겠고 언제나 너한테 빚진 것 같은 마음이야. 그럼에도 불구하고 10년 가까이 연락 안끊고 날 친구로 생각해 주는 게 얼마나 고마운지, 알기나 하냐고.
그리고 마지막으로는,
너를 포기하는데 시간이 참 많이 걸렸어.
스무살이 넘어서는 너를 볼 때 마다, 미안하고 고마운 마음과 동시에 춥다고, 손 시렵다고 칭얼대는 (only recently did I learn that you do that ALL THE TIME without implying '손 잡아줘'-_-ㅋㅋㅋ) 네 손 한번 잡아주지 못하는 내가 너무 바보같았고.. 내가 기억하고 바라는 너와 현재의 너는 다른 모습이라는 걸 받아들이기가 쉽지 않았어.
마음이 아팠지, because I thought the bond between me and you was ironclad and would never change. (그나마 다행인건, although our relationship has changed, I know it's one that will never be lost. 그걸 지켜준 네가 그만큼 소중하고 고맙고..) It wasn't an easy realization for me, you see.
그래서, 곁에 둔 사람이 없는 나는, 나의 생각은, 항상 내 머릿속에만 존재하는 너에게로 달려갔지.
너는 항상 내 곁에 있어주겠지, 너는 언제까지나 '내꺼' '내편'이겠지 라고
현실이 아닌 나의 상상과 희망 속에서 위안을 얻었지.
그래서 힘들었어, 우리가 떨어져 지낸 시간이 함께 보낸 시간보다 길다는 걸 받아들이는게, 그리고 내가 상상하고 바랬던 너와 현실의 너는 다르다는 걸 받아들이는게 말이야. It wasn't an easy realization.. and I think I can equate it with a certain stage in my growth and as one of the steps toward my entrance to adulthood.
So I'm glad you finally showed up. '호우시절'이라는 말처럼, 참 좋은 때에 나타나 줘서 참 잘됐어.
역시 직접 만나야 뭐가 된다니까.
언제나 그랬지만, 이번에는 조금 다르게, I wish you all the best with everything.
I know you'll always be there for me, though not in the way I imagined and hoped for.
그거라도 어디야.
I am truly blessed to have you in my life.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
11 April 2010
Thanks HJ for winning tickets for "The Great Moment - 뮤지션s" concert!
휘성, 이영현 (빅마마), 정인, 리쌍 were all great, and the concert was great fun!
Omg 이영현 was so good HJ and I got shivers down our spines when she sang.
I love 정인's unique voice and her song "미워요".. written by 이적 (guaranteed tears? lol)! Never knew she was in a band nor that she worked with 리쌍 many times.
휘성 is a cute little talented thing, but he's a bit full of himself. Was impressed by his producing abilities, tho, as it was his idea to bring the four artists together and he pretty much designed the whole concert.
리쌍 is always good fun.. wish I knew more of their songs! Loved it when they sang "Loving You" and 길 said "이런노래 할때는 조명 좀 어둡게 해주세요! 연인들끼리 키스도 하고.. 엉덩이도 만지고 그러게. 에휴, 사랑이 다 그런거지 뭐~~"ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ HJ and I suspect that Gary is actually funnier than 길, but we can't figure out why he's opting for the 신비주의 strategy.
But now I have a mountain of work to do, including preparing for the presentation on Tuesday, marking (probably hundreds of) tests, and visiting grandma in the hospital.
Ok the concert is not the sole reason... I shouldn't have watched a movie and hung out with a friend on Friday. I should have come home directly to mark papers. :P
But but but the weather was so damn nice and I worked really hard for Friday's presentation!
And I was only 10 minutes late for the study group session on Saturday AND stayed in school until 8pm to review the test I took in the morning!
So I felt like I deserved a treat/ some rest.
Perhaps movie+concert were a bit (a lot) more than 'rest'-_-
I now also have a sore throat and a slight fever.
Ergggggggg
Wish I could go back to last semester when I wasn't studying for LSAT... Looking back, I really think I was 'consumed' by following momentary urges to go to concerts/plays... 정말 원없이 공연 보러 다녔던 2009년이었던 것 같다. I had money in my hands and I'd been accepted to grad school, so no one said anything about me spending hella lotsa money on concerts and plays like nobody's business! Those were the good days... sigh*
The weather is so nice these days it's so hard to concentrate on studying. My mind keeps flying away to Tokyo and Everland and zoos and museums.. and concerts...
Oh right, WHY THE HECK is the Donghyek Lim & Jean Paul Gautier concert scheduled on the evening before the LSAT????? Is this some kind of joke? Man I would kill to go to that concert, I wouldn't mind at all getting the most expensive tickets for that show.. But I guess it'll have to pass. T^T
Oh the great list of sacrifices one must make to go to law school -_-+ ㅠㅠ
Anyways. Gotta go to bed now - gotta get up at 8am to mark tests and call grandma. Should tell her I'm visiting on Tuesday in the evening after school. Want to buy her a hyacinth but dunno if I can make the time to drop by 하나로마트.
So good night!
Tomorrow will be a more productive day.
And my presentation on UK's ODA will be awesome. Cuz I love DfID. hehehe muharhar
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
feel like crap today
i feel like crap
몸컨디션도 갑자기 안좋고
모의고사성적도 개떡같고
(시험치는내내 집중도 너무 안됐어)
스트레스받아서 계속 초콜렛만 먹고
계속 늦게자고
운동은 안하고
월요일에 발표있는데 아직 준비 하나도 안했고
나라도 뒤숭숭하고 (what the heck is going on in the sea?!?!)
날씨는 엄청 좋은데 아직 추워서
사놓은 봄옷들 옷장속에서 썩고있는거 완전 속상하고
싸이 들어오면 항상
소개팅 클럽이나 웨딩 준비 클럽 가입하라고 쪽지 와있고
아 진짜 오늘 기분 완전 구려 ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
and also because ... i feel like i don't know you anymore.
Because I feel like I don't know how to have a good time together with you.
Because the you I thought I knew and the me you thought you knew don't match any more.
Because I let you feel bad, worrying that I might not be having a good time.
Which in turn made me feel obliged to stop pretending like I share your way of having fun.
(I've always wanted to learn to play the guitar/bass, but somehow it never made it to my list of priorities.. 학교코앞에 실용음악학원 있는걸 발견하고서는 I got so worked up and 진짜 마지막으로 decided I would definitely get vocal training when I am done with law school applications. 기타+베이스+드럼도 진짜진짜 배우고 싶은데, 한꺼번에 다는 못할꺼고ㅠㅠ 아 미디작곡도 완전 땡겨ㅠㅠㅠㅠ)
솔직히 I know the cause of all this is jealousy. Your life evolves around your girlfriend whereas I don't even have a story about so much as a crush to tell you about... Isn't life so unfair.
But because I wasn't consumed in relationships I got to study more. Meet more people. See the bigger world that is 'out there'.
그리고 나는 너보다 더 폼나게 살거니까.
쳇쳇쳇
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)