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I'm not sure whether this will only reinforce these negative thoughts or help me to vent.

기생충 parasite
빈대 leech
어린애 같다 childish
정신병자 lunatic
허무맹랑한 소리만 한다 head in the clouds
정신줄을 놓은 "let go"
자신을 속이는 deceiving myself
매우 실망 very disappointed
매우 슬프다 very sad
매우 화나다 very angry
어떻게 그럴 수가 있어 how could you possibly do that?
이렇게 될 줄은 정말 꿈에서도 몰랐어 I never even imagined that this would happen
어디로 가고 싶은지조차 모른다 don't even know where you want to go
아무런 계획이 없다 no plans whatsoever
정리가 되어있지 않다 disorganized
무슨 소리를 하는건지 도당최 이해를 못하겠다 I have no idea what you are talking about because it makes no sense

I have been called all of the above within the span of an hour.
I will probably never forget what has been said, but "the talk" clarified some things:

• I need to clean my shit up and get my act together and get a real job.
• I have been given an ultimatum.
• I have to lose 10 kilos by December 31st.
• I have to move out in March and be self-sufficient by then.

So I need a job, like, right now.
(Which makes completely no sense because they want to be study for the bar exam, starting today, with no KaTalk, no Instagram, no friends, no movies or concerts. How am I supposed to get a job if I'm expected to study for 12 hours a day?)